I have struggled with Depression since I was a little girl. I didn't understand it when I was young. It just seemed like everyone was having such a great time and I knew on the inside that I was not having such a great time.
At age 27, I moved to NYC not knowing a soul. I dropped my dog at my folk’s house in Rochester, NY. I stopped by Syracuse to break up with my boyfriend, and killed my favorite plant on the way to the City.
I went there for a job, which ended up being a great experience. I met celebrities, went to fancy parties, traveled almost every weekend, but worked for a man with a very difficult personality.
I felt alone. No friends. No dog. No plant. No boyfriend. This is when my first major depressive episode began. September 11, 2001 happened two years later, and my depression got so bad, I couldn't keep hiding it.
I left the City and moved back home with my parents in Rochester. I needed help. I kept the pain hidden from everyone I knew for so long. I didn't even know what I needed or what to do. It makes me so sad to think about who I was. I came completely undone and needed to build myself back. Three years of therapy later, I could get out of bed and actually interact with people. I got a job.
I felt good and looked at that sad time as something that happened to me and now I was all better. In 2004, I married the most AMAZING man. We had a daughter in 2006, and a son in 2008. Moving through life, enjoying the joys and struggles of being a mom, leaving my full time job, but using the tools I learned in therapy to live.
THEN, in 2013, out of nowhere, Depressive episode caught me by surprise.
I recognized the feelings this time. Sleeping all the time, wanting to be alone, not being able to do regular things, like take a shower or eat. But, I had 2 small children to take care of and I couldn't hide this time.
I shared my feelings with my husband, who showed up, and shows up in full support. This episode lasted about a year.
It was during this year that I got angry at this insane illness. I got angry that no one talks about it. I got angry that when I tried to share how I was feeling, I didn't like the reaction I got. I was angry that I had to deal with this at all??!!!!
So I focused my energy on creating Depression Awareness Bracelets.
Today, writing this, I feel good. Some days are harder than others. I realize now, that Depression is something that I just have to live with. Some people have chronic back pain or some other illness, I have depression. One thing I know for sure, I am not hiding anymore. Being in hiding, implies there is shame. So I am sharing, because there is no shame in this, there are millions of us out there, let’s take a stand for each other. Be a pillar of support. I will tell you one thing, Depression makes you STRONG! Look out world!